Category Archives: Principles of Louise Hay

“I Should…”

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I Should...This post discusses the concept of “should,” as well as my insights from completing the “I Should” exercise from “You Can Heal Your Life.”

It is my intention to complete at least one exercise from Louise Hay each week and to share my experience and what I learn in this blog.   These posts may be combined with the weekly lesson, or they may stand on their own.

Louise Hay presents an exercise in “You Can Heal Your Life” which is focused on examining our internal “shoulds” and how we can create a more empowering inner dialogue.  The exercise begins with writing or typing “I Should…” and completing the sentence in as many ways as come to mind.  Here are a few of my “shoulds”:

  1. I should be more productive.
  2. I should make more money.
  3. I should get a real job.
  4. I should get up earlier.
  5. I should dress nicely more often.

Why Should I?

The next step of the exercise involves reading each “should” aloud and then asking, “Why?”  The responses to this question reveal where a person is stuck in his or her beliefs and self-imposed limitations. Here are my responses for the statements above:

  1. To get more done, to make myself useful, to justify my existence (re: productivity).
  2. That’s what a person is supposed to do, especially if she’s not a mother; it’s the right thing to do; to take the burden off of my husband (re: making more money).
  3. To make steady and good money, to feel more worthy and necessary, to feel more grounded (re: “real job”).
  4. Most people get up early, to get more done, to feel like less of a “slacker” (re: getting up early).
  5. I have lots of clothes in my closet, to look better, to take more pride in my appearance (re: dressing better).

Should – A Damaging Word…

Louise Hay feels that “should” is one of the most damaging words in the English language.  Every time we say “should,” we are in essence telling ourselves that we were, are, or are going to be wrong. Louise doesn’t believe we need more wrongs in our lives and that, instead, we need more freedom of choice.  She recommends that we replace the word “should” with “could,” as “could” gives us choice instead of making ourselves wrong.

I Could… Why Haven’t I?

The final step in the “I Should” exercise is to go back to each “should” statement and re-write the sentence, this time starting off with “If I really wanted to, I could…” and then asking, “Why haven’t I?” Here are my responses to that follow-on question:

  1. In truth, I am quite productive.  I have some days that are better than others, but so does everyone. I tend to be too “all over the map” and that impinges upon my productivity.  I need to focus more on what matters most and then I will be more productive.
  2. The main truth is that I don’t have to make more money.   My needs are met, so I don’t have to take on work that I don’t want to do.  I have very high standards for the work I will do and will likely need to lower them in order to make more money.
  3. I want to be passionate about what I’m doing.  I want to like what I do.   I also enjoy having variety in my work and many “real jobs” don’t allow for the variety – or the freedom – that I so greatly desire.  I think that instead of focusing on a job, I need to focus on pursuing my passions and working through the fears that hold me back from doing that which most lights me up.
  4. I don’t like to go to bed early and I do better on 7 or more hours of sleep per night.  If I get up by 7 a.m. each day, that is early enough.
  5. I do dress nicely when it matters.  If I am working at home, it’s fine to wear what’s most comfortable.  When I go out, I dress appropriately for my lifestyle.  I don’t usually go out dressed like a slob unless I’m going to the gym (and even then, I’m dressed suitably for the activity at hand).

From Should to Choice

The responses to “Why haven’t you?” often reveal that we’ve been beating ourselves up for something we never really wanted to do or that wasn’t our idea in the first place.  In many instances, the “should” originated with someone else, such as a parent or other powerful adult.  Alternatively, it may be based upon a firmly entrenched societal belief.  My belief that I should get up early is in line with the standard 8-5 job concept which is prevalent in our society.  Since I worked in the corporate world for so many years, I came to associate getting up early with being productive or worthwhile.

One of the benefits of examining our internal “shoulds” is that once we become aware that our “shoulds” originated elsewhere and they aren’t serving us in the present time, we can choose to release them.  As Louise Hay says, the power is always in the present moment.  Awareness can lead to power and choice.

Releasing or Reframing My “Shoulds”

In examining the “shoulds” which I presented in this post, I have chosen to release two and reframe the other three. I decided to release “I should get up earlier” and “I should dress nicely more often” because I realized that I was basing these edicts upon the beliefs of others.  For my life and what I’m up to, I get up early enough and I dress sufficiently well.

For the belief, “I should be more productive,” my reframe is to focus more on what matters most in my life and to center my productivity efforts on those items.  I don’t need to do more; I just need to do the critical few things which will make the greatest difference in my life.

In terms of “I should make more money,” I have decided that I do want to earn a higher level of income, but that I am committed to having that income be derived from work that matters to me.  My empowered action will be to pursue income sources in writing and designing websites for businesses and causes which inspire me.   I don’t need to “get a real job,” but I would like to determine a way to make a reasonably steady income while engaging in interesting and challenging work.

Valuable Insights Lead to Empowering Possibilities!

The “I Should…” exercise provided some valuable insights for me and enabled me to release some long-held limiting beliefs.  I can now move forward with some empowering possibilities for the things I could do.   I’m sure that I will still be confronted by the “tyranny of shoulds” from time to time.  In fact, this subject is of such great interest to me that it will be the topic for another upcoming post…

I encourage you to look at the ways in which “should” adversely impacts your life and to determine if there are any “shoulds” that you might wish to release. I look forward to embracing life from the space of “could” and enjoying more choice and freedom!

It’s Always Something!

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My throat hurts...

I just got back from a doctor’s visit concerning my most recent health challenge.  I have a sore and scratchy throat and a cough, and I’m having ever increasing difficulty in swallowing.  I feel as if I have a lump in my throat and have had a few experiences of almost choking in recent days.  Needless to say, this is both troubling and scary.  Unfortunately, my general practitioner could not ascertain the problem or its cause, so I now have an appointment to see a specialist next week to explore the matter further.

This is just the latest in a long litany of health issues for me.  I have come to feel that it’s always something.  Just when I feel that things are improving, something else seems to crop up!  The main reason I started my “healing project” a few months ago was to try to overcome my laundry list of health woes.

Mind-Body Connection

I truly believe in the mind-body connection and am aware that my thoughts have played a large role in shaping the current state of affairs in terms of my health.  I steadfastly believed, and I still believe, that it is possible to overcome even the most serious of illnesses through spiritual methods.  After all, Louise Hay was able to heal herself of a deadly cancer, so I should be able to overcome my less serious albeit numerous issues.

Louise Hay’s List

There is a section in “You Can Heal Your Life” called “The List.”  This section lists a number of physical problems, along with the thought patterns that are probable causes for each problem.  New positive thought patterns are provided as replacements for our destructive and habitual ways of thinking.  I often refer to this list when a new ache or pain crops up to see if the probable cause suggested by Louise Hay rings true for me.  In many cases, it makes perfect sense to me…

The Birth of the Healing Project…

While I use Louise Hay’s positive thought patterns as affirmations and regularly work on releasing my negative thoughts, my health challenges persist. Since it seemed that a more intense course of healing was in order, “the healing project” was born.  I am fully committed to healing my health issues – and life issues – within a period of one year.  Perhaps I need to “amp up the volume” on this project to really get it off the ground!  I will brainstorm on how to do this and will report on my plan for the future in an upcoming post…

Expression & Creativity

For now, I will explore my most recent health challenge involving my throat.  Louise Hay specifies that the throat is our avenue of expression and our channel of creativity.  Her probable causes for throat problems are:

  • The inability to speak up for one’s self
  • Swallowed anger
  • Stifled creativity
  • Refusal to change

There is much food for thought for me here… I can think of ways in which each probable cause could be true for me, but “stifled creativity” seems to hit the closest to home.  Ever since I was a young child, I wanted to be a writer.  I wrote in a journal for years, have written many poems, and have cultivated a number of ideas for books.  I even wrote one book with a friend, but we were unable to secure an agent or publisher, and now our friendship has ended for reasons unclear to me (but that’s a different story…).  I have a second book that has been “in progress” for years because I am not sure of the core message I want to express.  Many other book ideas have been kept on the “back burner,” awaiting the right time for me to pursue them.  This waiting period has often extended to a period of years.

Me as a Writer…

I think I am afraid to really put myself out there as a writer.  Although I have had a number of jobs and careers over the years, none of them meant as much to me as writing does.  I have tried and failed at many declared passions, but I always had writing in my pocket as a type of back-up plan.  But what if I tried to be a writer and I failed at that, too?  Then what would I have to fall back on?  It only recently dawned on me that I have been trying to protect myself by not fully trying my hand at writing.

Self-Disclosure

There is also the matter of self-disclosure.  My half-written book chronicles my struggles with eating disorders and includes excerpts from journals written during the darkest hours of that time period.  I used to be so open and honest about myself, my beliefs, and my feelings, but past hurts and rejection have led me to construct virtual walls in order to protect myself.  If I were to write about my struggles, it would be akin to displaying my heart and soul to the world, and that felt far too scary to even contemplate doing.  Until recently, that is…

This Blog & Creativity

This blog is not only about healing my health and my life; it is also about expressing myself and channeling my creativity.  In the process, I hope that I will also be able to help others.  Perhaps my readers will see themselves in my struggles, or maybe an insight I share will lead to an epiphany for someone else.  I sincerely hope that I will be a force for good by writing this blog, but that remains to be seen.  What I know right here and now is that it feels good to write; it feels liberating to be open and honest – and real – through my writing.  I am releasing some of my stifled creativity through my blog posts and honoring one of the new thought patterns suggested by Louise Hay for healing throat problems:   “I express myself freely and joyously.”

It feels liberating to express myself and I hope that my expression will help others to express themselves as well.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this post and about my blog in general.  If there are topics which you would like to have addressed, please send them my way…

Willing to Learn, Willing to Change

I often feel that “it’s always something” in regards to my health challenges.   It can be exasperating at times, but I always try to look for the lessons in my trials and tribulations.  I am willing to learn and grow, and as Louise Hay suggests that we all affirm, “I am willing to change.”

Uncovering Our Hidden Beliefs

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I recently completed an exercise on beliefs from Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book.”  The exercise was straightforward and consisted of sentence completion for nine topics.  The objective was to uncover hidden beliefs which may be holding me back in certain areas of my life.  In this blog entry, I will share some of the insights that I gained from completing the beliefs exercise.

The topics which were explored in the beliefs exercise were:  Men, Women, Love, Sex, Work, Money, Success, Failure, and God. For each word, I wrote the various thoughts which popped into my head.  I tried not to think too deeply about the “right” or “best” answers for any of the topics.   I spent about twenty minutes uncovering my beliefs and then took some additional time to review my answers and look for insights or “aha moments.”

Some Surprise Beliefs…

For some of the areas, there were no surprises.  I knew that I had issues regarding Work, Success and Failure, and I will be writing about those topics in a later post.  I also knew that my feelings about Love and God were basically positive in nature.   However, the biggest surprise for me in doing the beliefs exercise related to my feelings about men and women.  I learned that I have basically positive feelings about men and a lot of not so positive attitudes about women.   Because I am a woman, my attitudes about my own gender bear some exploration…

My Beliefs About Women and Men

Here are a few of my statements about women:

  • Women can be catty, petty and mean.
  • Women aren’t nice to each other.
  • Women can be too obsessed with appearance.
  • Women have fewer advantages in life.
  • Women don’t know what they want.
  • Women are too picky.

In contrast, here are some of my thoughts about men:

  • Men have more advantages in the world than women.
  • Men have more fun than women.
  • Men are easier to get along with than women.
  • Men generally feel better about their bodies.
  • Men are not to be feared or hated.

If I read the above statements and didn’t know any better, I’d think they were written by a man!  I was definitely surprised to learn some of my hidden feelings about men and women, but what does this all mean?  I am still processing this information, but here are some of the insights I’ve gained thus far…

Beliefs About Women – Or About Myself?

Many of my statements about women were more about myself than about women in general.  I am picky and unsure as to what I really want in life.  I have a tendency to be obsessed with my appearance and I am often not very nice to myself.  I can be catty, petty and mean, particularly towards myself.  While I have many advantages in my life, I sometimes don’t appreciate what I have and times, I feel guilty for the privileges which I enjoy.   I question whether or not I deserve to have the many benefits with which I’ve been blessed.

I sometimes feel as if I’m not a “normal” woman.  After all, I’m not very maternal, I’ve never really wanted to have children, and my domestic skills are sorely lacking.  While I enjoy being pretty and feminine in terms of my appearance, I have often tried to develop more masculine personality characteristics.  I have believed that I should be more career-driven than is my natural tendency, especially since I was lacking the drive to bear and raise children.  I beat myself up on a regular basis for not achieving the societal vision of success, a goal which men traditionally feel more pressure to reach.

Strength – Masculine or Feminine?

While I know a number of strong women, I think I’ve always associated strength more with the masculine than the feminine.  Unlike many other women I know, I do not fear or distrust men.  I find that I easily build rapport with men and in general have positive feelings about them.  Before I got married, I had more male friends than female friends.

The women with whom I have bonded tended to be other women who don’t fit the traditional female mold.   I feel that more traditional women don’t “get” me and sometimes look at me as if I have two heads.  At times, I feel judged by other women for the choices I’ve made in life, particularly the decision not to have children.  I do not begrudge their decisions, but I feel that they begrudge mine.

Next Steps for Me

Of course, I don’t know that any of my suspicions about other women are true.  We often project our own beliefs onto others and are frequently unaware that we are doing this.  The Beliefs Exercise has helped to open my eyes regarding my beliefs about women.  Now that I am aware that some of my beliefs are not empowering and don’t really serve me, I have a choice and some additional work to do.  I need to decide what I want to believe about women and about myself.  I choose to adopt more loving and empowering beliefs about women in general and about myself as a woman.  As this process evolves, I will share my new insights, as well as the ways in which I am growing and learning in this area of life.

Follow-On Questions for Readers

  1. What are your attitudes about men and women?
  2. Do you find that you have more positive attitudes about your own gender or about the opposite gender?
  3. In what ways do your attitudes about men and women positively or negatively impact your life?
  4. Are there any dis-empowering beliefs which you would like to release?

I encourage you to take some time to explore your beliefs about Men, Women, Love, Sex, Work, Money, Success, Failure, and God.  Powerful change begins with awareness.  As Dr. Phil says, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”   The Healing Project is all about self-awareness, empowerment and positive change.  Although some insights can be painful, they often serve as a springboard toward growth.  

“Deservability”

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With this post, I begin working through the exercises in Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book.”  While you can definitely read my blog and benefit from my insights without doing the exercises yourself, I encourage you to follow along and gain and share your own insights.  Not all blog posts will be associated with YCHYL exercises, but these exercises are an integral part of the Healing Project.

Defining the Concept

We all want many things in our lives and we often wonder why we don’t get those things.  A big part of it has to do with the concept of deserving, or as Louise Hay terms it, “deservability.”  If, at the deepest core of our being, we don’t feel we deserve to have what we wish for, that belief will block those things from coming into our lives.  We end up settling for less than what we truly desire as a result of our limiting beliefs.  To achieve our goals in life, it is necessary to work on our beliefs as well as take concrete actions toward that which we want.

Deservability Exercise

The Deservability Exercise in the “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book” consists of seven questions which are designed to help us to better understand the power of this concept.  Below, I have included these questions (rephrased in a shorter and simpler format) as well as some key excerpts from my responses to the questions.  I feel that I have gained some valuable insights as a result of my introspection into the concept of “deservability.”  Now I invite you to answer these questions…

1. What do you want that you do not have now?

  • I want to have vibrant, good health.  I want to wake up feeling energetic, healthy and hopeful about the coming day.  I want to know that I will feel good instead of fearing or even expecting that I will feel bad.  I want to be able to make plans without fear of having to cancel because I don’t feel well or having to endure a headache or other pain while engaged in some type of social activity.
  • I want to feel like I’m making a positive difference in the world.  This difference doesn’t have to be on a grandiose scale, but I want to feel needed and important.
  • I want to feel as if I am utilizing my best gifts and strengths and that I am expressing my creativity.  I want to feel that I am expressing the best of myself in my endeavors and in my interactions.  The specific things that I do to use my gifts are not as important as the fact that I will be using my gifts in some sort of pursuit that matters to me.

2. What did you learn about deserving in your childhood?

I don’t know that I was told that I didn’t deserve, but I often did feel that I have to earn respect and praise.  I felt that I had to “tow the line” and do what was expected of me in order to win approval and love.

Earning would only work for me on a temporary basis. I would get approval in the moment, but it would be fleeting. I feel that I have continued this practice with myself.  I have to earn my own respect and approval and I often feel that I don’t do enough in order to be worthy of my own love or even like.

3. Do you feel that you are deserving of good things, or do you feel that you have to do something to earn them?  Are you good enough?

I feel more deserving than I did in the past, but there is a still a sense of feeling that I must earn things in life, including love and approval from myself and others.

My initial reaction to “are you good enough?” is that of course I am, but deep down I think I don’t feel good enough or worthy.  I feel as if I haven’t lived up to my full potential in life.  So much of my feelings of deservability are tied up in financial earnings and the societal definitions of success. I feel as if I don’t measure up in these ways.

I do feel that I can be good enough.  It will require an attitudinal shift more than an action shift because I know on some level that I am already good enough.

4. Do you deserve to live?  Why or why not?

I definitely feel that I deserve to live, no question.  This hasn’t always been the case, clearly, as I used to engage in such reckless and self-destructive behavior.

Now I feel that I am worthy of life and worthy of good things in life.  I shouldn’t have to earn the good things I have or feel guilty for what I have.  I want to be able to just be grateful and happy for my blessings and to trust that I have them because I deserve them!

5. What do you have to live for?  What is the purpose of your life?

I have many things to live for.  I have my wonderful husband, my adorable kitties, my family and my friends.  I feel that I have my potential to make a difference in the lives of many others.  I feel that I have my potential joy and future happiness to live for.

I am not entirely sure about the purpose of my life, but I feel that it has to do with inspiring and empowering others.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I wrote that, so I know that it’s true.  I feel that I can be a force for good and a person who can help others to release themselves from their bondage, the bondage of their own creation.  I feel that I can help others to be more free and to experience more joy and happiness in life.  I have yet to fully create this meaning or to realize my purpose, but I feel that I am on the precipice of this at this point in my life.  It’s as if I have to make it over just one more hill and I will be able to be more fully creative and expressive.

6. Whom do you need to forgive in order to deserve?

I feel that I have forgiven most of the other people in my life at this point.  I mostly need to forgive myself in order to feel more deserving.  I still feel guilt over things I’ve done in the past and I need to let that go.  I can’t go back and change what happened, so I need to release the past and move forward powerfully.  I also need to forgive myself for the fact that I have changed careers many times instead of sticking with one thing.  That is also something that I cannot change.

My choices and my actions have shaped me into the person I am today and I think that person is a good person.  Yes, I made some bad choices at times, but those choices were primarily motivated by my inner pain and my lack of self-confidence and trust in myself.  I was trying to escape my pain, so I did some bad and hurtful things.  I don’t excuse my actions, but I do need to forgive them.

7. What do you deserve?  Do you believe:  “I deserve love and joy and all good”? Or do you feel deep down that you deserve nothing?  Are you willing to let go of your limiting beliefs about deservability?

You know what?  I do believe that I deserve love and joy and all good!  It’s taken me many, many years to get to the point where I can write and say that.  I know that there are still some undeserving beliefs which need to be healed, but I basically believe that I am a good person who tries my best to be and do good.  I am willing to let go of my judgment and contempt towards myself.  I am willing to embody “I approve of myself.”  I am willing to awake with joy and live my life in joy and peace.  I am willing to change, I am willing to grow and I am willing to love and accept myself fully as I am while working to create the life of my dreams.

Some Affirmations to Try

Here are a few affirmations derived from Louise Hay’s “Deservability Treatment.”  It may be helpful to repeat these phrases either aloud or silently to yourself when you find yourself feeling down on yourself or discouraged about life in general.

  • I am deserving.
  • I deserve all good.
  • I now move past all negative, restricting thoughts.
  • I no longer identify with limitation of any kind.

Next we will delve into becoming more aware of our beliefs, both positive and negative, about various aspects and concepts of life.  We will identify those beliefs which serve us, as well as those which are holding us back from accomplishing our goal and realizing our dreams.  Then we will move into healing the various aspects of our lives, one step at a time…

Principles of Louise Hay – Part 4

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This post outlines the final three key principles from “You Can Heal Your Life.”

“We must be willing to learn to love ourselves.”

Many years ago, I first heard the saying, “You can’t love anyone else unless you love yourself first.” At the time, I despised this saying and vehemently disagreed with its sentiments.  Although I was clear that I didn’t love myself much back then, I believed that I was a loving person and fully capable of loving others.  Now I am much more open to the message, except that I would qualify the saying by adding the word fully, as in “one cannot love another fully unless he loves himself.” If we are mired in self-criticism and self-hatred, there is much less of ourselves to give to others, which makes us less able to love others to full capacity.

Yet, the ability to love others fully is only one reason for us to love ourselves.  When we treat ourselves with loving kindness, we experience a number of other benefits.   These benefits include:

  • Decreased anxiety
  • Increased inner peace
  • Improved relationships
  • Enhanced health and well-being

Notice that this principle includes two key words, willing and learn.  For those of us who have not loved ourselves for many, many years, it probably won’t happy overnight.  We need to learn to treat ourselves more kindly, much like we would need to learn a new language or the tasks for a new job.  It’s a process and it takes time.  However, the key is to be willing to learn, whether it’s learning a new language or a new way of reacting toward oneself. If we are open and willing to a new way of being, the learning process will flow much more smoothly.

Louise Hay is a big advocate of the use of affirmations.  One affirmation which she uses often is, “I am willing to change.” A variant on this affirmation could be, “I am willing to learn to love myself” or simply, “I am willing to love myself.” Affirmations really do help!  When I find myself engaging in negativity, I often snap myself out of that mindset by repeating a simple affirmation several times inside my head.  Give it a try… You might not notice a difference overnight, but I promise you, it will help!

Start with the willingness to love yourself and build from there.  The first step is always the most difficult.  Take that first step and see how you grow and blossom over time.

“Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the keys to positive changes.”

We have all made mistakes in the past.  None of us are perfect and I’m sure that if we could turn back the clock, knowing what we know now, we would make different decisions and act in alternate ways.  This key asks us to stop looking back and stop berating ourselves for our past failings.  It asks us to stand firmly in the now with an attitude of “I approve of myself” and “I am okay.” With this positive attitude, we are better prepared to move forward and to make the changes we want to make in our lives.

Would you feed yourself or your child a meal on one of last night’s dirty dishes?  Of course not!  Well, working on creating a new future on top of the “muck” of berating yourself for your past wrongs is akin to eating a delicious meal from a dirty dish.  It just wouldn’t taste as good!

We need to let go of the past and focus on what we want to create in our lives.  We cannot change the past, so it does virtually no good to ruminate upon it.  The only time when past reflection is productive is when we are looking for lessons to apply moving forward.  Otherwise, let the past go.  Embrace yourself and your life today, set powerful goals for yourself, and work on accomplishing them from a space of self-acceptance and self-approval.

I know this can be easier said than done, but as with the previous key, it begins from an attitude of willingness.  Be willing to approve of yourself and willing to accept yourself.   Use affirmations to help you along the way.  The exercises in “You Can Heal Your Life” and other related teachings will help tremendously.

Being able to accept, approve of, and love ourselves is an ongoing process.  I have definitely made a lot of progress in this regard, but I still have my days when I am highly self-critical.  It is at those times that I recommit to being willing to change, and I move forward as best I can.

I remember one of the powerful tenets from “The Four Agreements,” which is Always Do Your Best.  Our best isn’t always the same.  Some days our best means simply that we get out of bed, whereas our best on other days leads to tremendous accomplishments.  But if we commit to always doing our best and being willing to accept and love ourselves, all things are possible.

“When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.”

Self-love is a critical facet of “the Healing Project.”  As we move forward in healing our lives, we will work on learning to love ourselves more and on being more gentle and accepting toward ourselves.  As we look at the probable thought patterns for a host of common health challenges, we’ll notice that these patterns are highly negative and destructive.  When we are able to turn these thought patterns around and replace them with more empowering and positive thoughts, miracles will start to happen in our lives.  We will start to feel better physically, we’ll have a more genuinely cheerful disposition, we’ll have more “good days,” our relationships will improve, and we’ll attract better outcomes for our life endeavors.  Quite simply, our lives will work much better.

Don’t you want to have a life that works better?  I know I do.  I used to try to climb an uphill battle to a better life, all the while driving myself with all the sensitivity of a drill sergeant.  That approach didn’t get me what I wanted, so I’m willing to try another avenue.  I am willing to step into the belief that when I really love myself, everything in my life will work.

Principles of Louise Hay – Part 3

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This post is a continuation of the key principles of Louise Hay’s philosophy.  This post outlines three more of the points which are the basis for “You Can Heal Your Life.”

“Resentment, criticism, and guilt are the most damaging patterns.”

There are many thought patterns that can be harmful to us, especially if we engage in them on a regular basis.   However, some patterns are more harmful than others, and Louise Hay contends that resentment, criticism, and guilt are the most damaging patterns of all.  Upon reflection, I would have to agree with her.  Let’s look at these patterns one by one, along with some examples of each, to drive the point home.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines resentment as follows:

a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury

It is normal to notice when we are wronged and to be upset by it.  But when we continue to rehash a bad situation and ruminate upon how unfair or wrong it was, it can be harmful to our sense of well-being, as well as our health.   There is a man I know who felt he was treated unfairly at work and had filed a grievance against his employer.  Even several years later, one could not have a conversation with him without the topic of his grievance coming up.  Not only did this repel others from desiring to be in his company, I’m sure it also destroyed his inner peace and happiness.  This is just one example of the harmful effects of resentment.

When one is either the target or the source of criticism, it is damaging.  Yet the most detrimental form of criticism is when it is self-directed.  I can speak of this from extensive personal experience.  I used to be extremely critical toward myself.  I had a running tape inside my head of all of the ways in which I was deficient and didn’t measure up to my expectations.  At times my self-criticism would be voiced, but the verbal complaints paled in comparison to the negative voice which lived inside of my head.  I am convinced that the many health complaints which I have today were created by means of my intense criticism of all facets of my being – my appearance, my career pursuits, my interactions with others, you name it… I am gradually turning this around and the negative tape is no longer the constant presence it once was.   As I emerge from the chasm that was my self-criticism, I gain an ever increasing amount of joy, peace, and happiness.  And interestingly enough, as I criticize myself less often, others are less prone to denigrate me as well.  I am also less prone to deriding others.  Win, win!

As the old saying goes, guilt is a wasted emotion.  It doesn’t make anyone feel better, and it cannot do anything to change a given situation.  It is also often misplaced and experienced by people who have nothing to feel guilty about in the first place!  The famous radio talk show host, Dr. Laura, says that guilt is only merited if one has truly done something wrong.  Even then, the guilt should only serve to motivate the individual to do whatever he or she can do to make amends to those they have wronged.  If you have done all you can to make things right, then let the guilt go.  I once had a seminar leader who stated, “Let it go; it’s killing you!”  He was referring to the ongoing guilt and regret which we experience about things that are past and cannot be changed.

If you have done something wrong, apologize, make amends, do what you can to make up for your infractions.  Don’t ruminate in wasted feelings of guilt.  If you have not done anything wrong, do whatever you need to do to release your guilt.  As Louise Hay says, “Your sentence is now over, so let yourself out of prison.”

“Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer.”

It is Louise Hay’s contention that cancer is caused by deep resentment held for a long time until it literally eats away at the body.  As she states on page 169 of “You Can Heal Your Life,” those who develop cancer often experienced something in childhood which destroyed their sense of trust and led them to find it difficult to develop and maintain long-term, meaningful relationships.   These individuals also have a tendency to feel hopeless and helpless and to be highly self-critical.   A big key toward healing cancer is for the person to release their resentment toward the past and those who hurt them and to learn to love and accept themselves.

I realize that the above paragraph may be difficult to take in and accept.  I am reminded of the 12-step group maxim, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”  If the idea that cancer is caused by resentment seems implausible to you, perhaps this is a concept from Louise Hay that you will choose to leave.  However, as I wrote about under the previous key, resentment can and does cause a lot of damage in those who harbor it, and we would all benefit tremendously from releasing any resentment we hold, particularly resentment of a deep and long-standing nature.  So instead of thinking about dissolving cancer by releasing resentment, why not consider the increased sense of well-being or lightheartedness which you could gain by letting go of a grudge that you hold.

“We must release the past and forgive everyone.”

When we are angry at others and hold grudges, it hurts us more than it hurts the other person.  Think about it… They are off living their lives while we are stewing and seething over how they have wronged us.   Often the person we choose not to forgive is not even in our lives any longer; they may even be deceased.  Yet we hold on to our anger and resentment because we feel justified in doing so.

You may have heard of the expression, “He would rather be right than happy.”  So many people are what might be called “right fighters.”  They are indignant about their position and swear that they are right in their assertions.  They may even BE right, yet that’s not what’s most important.  What’s most important is, are they happy?  Do they have peace of mind?  Are they enjoying their lives, or are they so wrapped up in their being right and someone else being wrong that all of the enjoyment has slipped out of living?

Forgiving someone for what they have done does not mean that you are saying what they did was okay.  Forgiveness is more about YOU than it is about the other person.  When you forgive someone, you are giving yourself permission to release the past and move on with your life.  If all or most of your energy is wrapped up in being angry at someone who hurt you, where is the energy for creating a life you love?

I remember reading a story about a woman who was raped.  Of course, rape is one of the most horrific atrocities which a human being can endure.  There is a temptation to want to crawl up and retreat from life, to go into a sort of cocoon and hide from life.  Yet this particular woman was extremely strong.  I don’t remember her exact words, but her sentiment has stuck with me.  She expressed that although the monster who raped her subjected her to pain and indignity for an hour, she wasn’t going to give him the power to take any more from her than he had already taken.  She decided to let go of the experience (I would imagine this wasn’t immediate and took some time) and embrace the rest of her life with strength, joy and conviction.  Her story was truly empowering to read!

One of the best ways to release the past is to look for lessons from your experiences.  It is a good practice to always ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?” or “How has this experience shaped me as a person? How am I a better person as a result of this challenge?”  We all go through difficult times, some of us more than others.  There are many times when life doesn’t feel fair, but once something has happened, we can’t turn back the clock and change it.

I will end this entry with a wonderful quote from Louise Hay – food for thought until my next post…

“The point of power is always in the present moment. The past is over and done and has no power over me. I can begin to be free in this moment. Today’s thoughts create my future. I am in charge. I now take my own power back. I am safe and I am free.”

Principles of Louise Hay – Part 2

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This post is a continuation of the previous post and will cover more of the key principles of Louise Hay’s philosophy.  This post outlines four more of the points which are the basis for “You Can Heal Your Life.”

“Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt.”

I believe this principle is important for several reasons.  First, it’s always helpful and comforting to know that we are not alone in our struggles and pain.  Knowing that other people are experiencing the same difficulties as we are can help us to feel more normal and less dysfunctional.  Although I feel that some people struggle with self-hatred and guilt to a larger degree than others, I agree that this is an issue for everyone at some point in their lives. I believe that Louise Hay states this principle as a type of precursor to some of her later principles which work on transforming the painful feelings of self-hatred and guilt, as well as other harmful emotions and habits.

I have experienced a great deal of self-hatred and guilt over the course of my life.  To say that I am hard on myself is putting it mildly, so to speak.  I have a tendency to blame myself for anything that goes wrong and to hold myself to inordinately high standards which are virtually impossible to meet.  I feel guilty for the things which I have done wrong, as well for my poor judgments and missed opportunities.  Although I feel that I’ve improved greatly in terms of being less critical and mean toward myself, I still struggle with this issue.  I look forward to using Louise Hay’s principles to heal my self-critical tendencies.

“The bottom line for everyone is, ‘I’m not good enough’.”

This principle is directly related to the principle above.  We all struggle with feelings of inadequacy and set standards for ourselves which can be unreachable.  It’s common to look at what’s wrong in our lives and in ourselves instead of noticing what’s right.  It’s the proverbial “glass half empty” approach to life which is so prevalent in our society.  What we don’t realize, however, is how this approach to life impacts us.

Many of us are merely carrying on a legacy of thought patterns which were instilled in us from a young age.  We may have been raised by parents who criticized us more than they complimented us.  The tendency to look first for what’s wrong becomes a pattern which follows us throughout our lives.  It is likely that our critical parents were also raised by judgmental mothers and fathers, and the pattern continues from generation to generation.

It is difficult to thrive in the face of intense criticism and judgment.   It’s like going through life with a dark cloud over our heads, only we’re the ones who put the cloud there by our contention that we’re not good enough.  We need to learn that we don’t need to be perfect in order to be good enough; we can make mistakes and still be lovable and “okay.”

“It’s only a thought, and a thought can be changed.”

The feelings of self-hatred, guilt, and “not good enough” all spring from corresponding thoughts.  It isn’t true that we are bad or unworthy; we merely have beliefs that state such things as if they were grounded in fact.  As stated in the previous principle, “every thought we think is creating our future,” our thoughts create our reality.   Yet the wonderful thing is that WE are in control of our thoughts!  With a little practice, we can learn to notice our limiting thoughts and to replace them with empowering thoughts.

I have become a lot more adept at noticing when I am thinking negative thoughts, particularly about myself.  One key is to pay attention to your emotions.  If you are feeling bad, it’s a good sign that you are thinking negative thoughts.  If you notice yourself feeling sad or angry, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “What was I just thinking?”  There’s a good chance that you were thinking something negative and maladaptive.   If you get into the habit of noticing your emotions and questioning your thoughts, you will become more and more aware of what you’re thinking.  Consequently, you’ll be able to replace your negative thoughts with more positive and affirming ones.  It just takes some practice!

“We create every so-called illness in our body.”

This can be a difficult principle for many to take on.   It is uncomfortable to feel bad physically and think that you are to blame for your discomfort.  This is especially difficult in the case of severe and life-threatening illnesses.  Yet it is helpful to remember that such illnesses do not come upon a person overnight. The more severe the disease, the more long-standing the pattern of negative thinking which has preceded its genesis.

I rebelled against this concept when I first read “You Can Heal Your Life.”  I didn’t want to believe that I had created the horrendous migraines which had plagued me since the age of eighteen.  However, when I read the probable thought pattern for migraines, as postulated by Louise Hay, it made sense:  dislike of being driven, resisting the flow of life.  I am what one would call a “control freak” and I hate it when things don’t go my way or when others try to control my actions or experiences.   It makes sense that perhaps my ongoing thought patterns had at least contributed to my migraines.  And although migraines run in my family, it’s likely that controlling and perfectionist tendencies have also been passed down through the generations.

If the word “create” in terms of thoughts and illnesses feels too strong for you to swallow, I suggest that you try on the word “contribute.”  It’s easier to accept that one’s negative thought patterns can contribute to the illnesses which he or she experiences.   Either way, the “remedy” is the same – adopt new thought patterns which better serve you.  Positive thoughts have the power to heal us.  Although I am riddled with a number of physical complaints as I write this, I believe that I have the power to heal my ailments.   Accepting that I have the power to create BOTH illness and health is a cornerstone of my healing project!

Principles of Louise Hay – Part 1

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In order to further lay the groundwork for “The Healing Project,” I would like to highlight some of the key principles which Louise Hay outlines in “You Can Heal Your Life.” I will list each principle as stated by Louise Hay, and then I will explain this principle in my own words and relate a bit about what it means to me personally.  As there are a number of principles which I would like to cover before delving into the deep work of my personal healing project, this is the first of four posts on this topic.

“We are each responsible for our own experiences.”

Louise Hay advocates personal responsibility.  Although she asks people to explore their childhoods and past experiences through the exercises in her book, she cautions her readers against laying blame upon anyone else for his or her current life condition.  While it is true that our past experiences and interactions with others have shaped who we are, we are the only ones who are truly responsible for where we are in our lives today.

There is both good and bad news to this principle.  The bad news is that we don’t get to blame anyone else or hold anyone else responsible for what’s happening in our lives.  The good news is that it is completely in our power to transform our lives wholly and completely.    This is, of course, a double-edged sword.  It is in our power to change, we are free to change our lives in both small and great ways, but it is US who must make those changes.

I am completely willing to own that I am responsible for my experiences.   This means that if I fall into “victim mode,” which happens to all of us at times, it is up to me to pull myself out of that abyss and step back into ownership mode.  I am responsible for what I think and what I do.  I am responsible for doing what I say I’m going to do and for honoring my commitments to myself and others.    This is a tall order, but it affords us great freedom to be and to create.

“Every thought we think is creating our future.”

We each think thousands of thoughts each day.  We are unaware of the majority of these thoughts and many of us have more negative thoughts than positive ones.  Our thoughts have both energy and creative power.  Like attracts like and through the powerful Law of Attraction (see “The Secret by Rhonda Byrne for more information), our thoughts are basically bringing about our experiences.

We all have a negative inner voice which exerts power over us.   This is the voice that tells us we’re not good enough, that we’re foolish to want what we want, and that we’ll never accomplish the goals which we’ve set for ourselves.  This voice is sometimes referred to as the “Gremlin” (see “Taming Your Gremlin” by Rick Carson) and it’s amazing how miserable this gremlin can make us!  I once did an exercise in which I recorded all of my negative thoughts over the course of an eight hour time period.  I literally had hundreds of negative thoughts and many of them were repetitive!  This simple exercise helped me to understand how I was limiting my energy, my creativity and my happiness by my limiting and destructive thoughts.

The good news is that positive thoughts are MUCH more powerful than negative thoughts.  If we consciously replace some of our negative thoughts with positive ones, or if we deliberately think positive thoughts throughout the day, we will notice a big difference in our sense of well-being.  One example of an easy positive thought to think is the declaration “I approve of myself” which I mentioned in my last post.  If you find yourself thinking something negative, either replace it with its opposite, say “cancel cancel” to clear the negative energy, or use a mantra like “I approve of myself” to turn your thoughts and your energy around.

“The point of power is always in the present moment.”

We cannot change the past and we have no control over the future.  The only time which is under our control is this moment, right now.  So often, we spend so much time and energy lamenting what we did or didn’t do in the past and worrying about what we might do and what might happen in the future.   These thoughts and worries are really a big waste of time and usually serve to make us less happy instead of more happy.

If you want to be happy and joyous, focus on the NOW.  Not only is this one of Louise Hay’s key principles, but it is also set forward as a precept among many thought leaders, including Eckhart Tolle, who published the best-selling book, “The Power of Now.”

This is a simple but not easy concept.  When one is first starting to live in the present moment, he or she will often find the mind drifting backwards or forward.  This is the time to gently nudge yourself back to the now, just as one might clear their mind or return to a mantra during meditation.  If you find yourself worrying about the future, it can be helpful to ask yourself the following two questions (from “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks):

  1. Is this worry realistic?
  2. If so, is there anything I can do about it right now?

If the answer to the first question is no, then bring your attention back to the present moment; likewise if the answer to the second questions is no.  If the answer to the second question is yes, then do something to remedy your worry.  Even something minor can be helpful.   Then bring your attention back to the here and now, the point of your power.