Tag Archives: frustration

The Frustration Rabbit Hole

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Very Frustrated and Angry ManEarlier today, I had to call the phone company about an error they had made regarding changes to my service plan.  I dread making these types of calls because I invariably end up being transferred to multiple service reps before my issues are resolved.  I find myself becoming angry and frustrated at how long these calls take and how inefficiently the company handles what should be a very easy and straight-forward request.

Worse Than Usual

Today’s call was far worse than any other such call I’ve made in recent memory.  I was transferred to no fewer than five service representatives and was on the phone for close to an hour.  It didn’t take long before I felt my heart racing and my blood pressure rising.  I ended up losing my cool during this call and expressing my anger and frustration toward the person on the other end of the phone.

When I got off the phone, I felt shaky and uncomfortable.  I wasn’t proud of the way I had behaved during the call.  While it’s perfectly reasonable to get upset at inefficiencies and wasted time, I didn’t feel good at how angry I had become.  I allowed myself to get “rattled” by what had transpired and I had let these events disrupt my well-being.

What Can I Learn From This?

As I like to do, I decided to look at what I could learn from my phone company experience and how I could react differently in the future.   “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz quickly came to mind, and in particular the second agreement, “Don’t Take Anything Personally.”  In short, this agreement states that what others say and do is a projection of their own reality; it is not about us.  When we are immune to the actions and opinions of others, we won’t be the victim of needless suffering.  Although this agreement has myriad implications for all of our interactions with others, I will focus primarily on my experiences of earlier today.

I Took Things Personally…

I took the behavior of the phone company representatives personally.  When they told me that they needed to transfer my call to yet another representative, instead of merely acknowledging that the company has disorganized processes which impact all of their customers, I made it be about me.  I allowed myself to feel offended and persecuted by the failure of any given individual to help me.

As I was transferred to each successive person, I became angrier and angrier because I felt I was being treated unfairly.  I didn’t feel “heard” or understood by any of the representatives, so I spoke more loudly and injected anger and frustration into my voice.   In the process, I made things more difficult for myself instead of easier.  Instead of working on my service issue, the representatives were instead apologizing for my inconvenience and telling me they understood my frustration.  Such platitudes only served to stir up more ire in me because I doubted the sincerity of the words.  I was taking things more and more personally and becoming increasingly more upset.

How To Do Better Next Time

What could I do differently moving forward?  Here are some thoughts… First, I could set an intention for the call before making it.  My intention could be for the call to go smoothly and for me to behave calmly and kindly throughout.  This strategy definitely works!  Before a recent interaction with someone I find challenging, I set an intention for kindness to govern my behavior with this person.  Instead of acting impatient and frustrated as I had in the past, I was much more loving and kind and managed to keep my cool instead of lose my temper.

In future difficult situations, I can take a mental “time out” as needed to help re-center myself.  This can be as simple as taking a deep breath and gently reminding myself of my intention to maintain a calm disposition.  I can also reflect upon the powerful agreement to not take anything personally.  If necessary, I can pause the interaction and revisit it at a time when I am more ready to handle it.  In terms of my phone company call, I could ask for the direct number for the new department and contact them later instead of being transferred to them in the midst of my upset.  Even a few minutes of “breathing room” before speaking with the next representative could have allowed me the space and time to calm down and get into a better mental and emotional state for the call.

We Control Our Reactions

Today’s interaction reminded me of a very powerful principle.  Although we cannot control everything that happens in our lives, we are in charge of our reactions.  There will always be companies with poor customer service practices and people who treat us in an unfair or unkind manner.  We have the choice as to whether these situations cause us to come unglued and if we will react with anger or emotional upset.  Every action we take in life is a choice and it is important to remember that.  I chose today to get upset and angry during my customer service call.  Next time, I can choose to stay calm and centered while the chaos of a disorganized company unfolds around me.  Then I can get off the phone and get on with my day!  I trust that I will feel much more empowered and confident with the latter choice.

Implications for the Healing Project

How is all of this relevant to my healing project?  Healing happens on all levels – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.   The more “zen” I display in emotionally trying situations, the less my upset will impact my health and well-being.  If I can remember to not take anything personally in life, I will be a much calmer and happier person.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

I close with some words of wisdom from Don Miguel Ruiz related to his Second Agreement, “Don’t Take Anything Personally.”

You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you.  When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.  You can travel around the world with your heart completely open.  You can say, “I love you,” without fear of being rejected.  You can ask for what you need without guilt or self-judgment.  You can choose to follow your heart always, and live with inner peace and happiness.”

Enough Already!

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Enough Already!A few weeks ago, I went to see a specialist about the throat discomfort and swallowing problems I’d been experiencing (see my “It’s Always Something” post for more about this). As usual, I had to spend quite a bit of time in the waiting room, and this particular waiting room was more crowded than usual.  In addition, the phone was ringing off the hook and the environment was far from peaceful.

To combat my internal frustration, I decided to journal about my feelings in that moment.  Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:

“Waiting to see specialist, room full of people…  I don’t want to be here! I don’t want the medical model with all of its procedures and medications.  I am tired of identifying as a sick person!  I need to heal myself spiritually. I can do it, and I will!”

A Moment of Clarity

In that moment, I felt absolute clarity about what I did and did not want.  I was clear in my desire to focus on my “healing project” rather than pursue medical procedures and prescription drugs. I didn’t have much time to reflect, however, as I was quickly whisked back into the examining room to see the doctor.  Almost immediately, she spoke of my having an endoscopy and taking twice-daily medications.  These things were exactly what I didn’t want!

I requested that the endoscopy be postponed for a month.  I agreed to take the medication, but I never ended up filling the prescription due to my worries about potential side effects.  Instead, I’ve been focusing on lifestyle changes such as eating more digestible foods in smaller portions and chewing my food more thoroughly.  I also take small doses of over-the-counter medication, which seems to be sufficient at this point. Although my throat problem (medical term = Laryngopharyngeal Reflux) has not gone away, it’s definitely less severe than it was a month ago.

Different Paths Toward Healing

I don’t feel any animosity toward doctors or other medical professionals.  I truly believe that most of them have pure intentions and that they can and do help many people.  But their methods are not the only methods that work.   I firmly believe that spiritual healing can be as effective – or even more effective – than medical healing in some cases.

I feel that for me, spiritual healing is the right path to follow.  I have several reasons for this assertion.  First, I have tried the medical model many times over and have experienced only limited success.  Second, the fact that I have new illnesses cropping up on a regular basis, with most of them being difficult to diagnose and treat, points to a spiritual crisis.  It’s as if the Universe is trying to get my attention and the messages keep getting louder and louder as time goes on.

A Powerful Epiphany

You might think that I had an epiphany in that moment in the doctor’s waiting room a few weeks ago.  Although it was a time of keen awareness, I wouldn’t exactly classify it as an epiphany.  The epiphany came several days later, as I was preparing to have surgery for the painful varicose veins in my left leg.  Shortly before walking into the surgical room, I stared at my reflection in the ladies room.  I was feeling intense trepidation about the surgery and the potential complications which could occur.  I affirmed to myself that I would be okay, and then it hit me…

I said to myself, “God has plans for me. I have a purpose.” It wasn’t so strange for me to say that, but the strange thing was that I actually believed it, so much so that it brought me to tears.  I knew that my purpose was to heal myself and to inspire others to do the same.  “The Healing Project” is my purpose and it came about through divine inspiration. The fact that I am overcome by emotion as I type this affirms this even more.

We Have the Power to Heal Ourselves

I need to fully believe that I have the power to heal myself.  I have to embody that belief and live from it. Yes, I did a medical procedure for my varicose veins, but as I move forward, I will focus on healing the thought patterns which created that condition.  I do not need to shun medical procedures, but I choose not to make them my first choice or to rely upon them.  I can use what is known as an “integrated” approach, but my primary focus will be on the spiritual forms of healing.

Putting “The Healing Project” Into High Gear

I started my healing project and this blog just over four months ago.  While I have made some progress and have been learning a lot about myself in the process, I don’t feel that I’ve dedicated enough time and attention to this effort.  I feel the need to launch “The Healing Project” into a higher gear so that I really do heal myself and my life in the course of one year.

My “amped up” healing project for the remainder of the year will involve the following (may be revised based upon my needs and experiences):

  • At least one hour per day writing and/or doing exercises from “You Can Heal Your Life” (YCHYL) and related texts.
  • Completion of the “You Can Heal Your Life” exercises by the end of 2010.
  • Healing Project writing/exercises will be done first thing in my “work day” except on the rare occasions when there is a schedule conflict.
  • Journal daily about my healing project – observations, concerns, wins, challenges (blog posts will be inspired by these journal entries as well as by the YCHYL and related exercises).
  • Blog at least twice per week in “The Healing Project” (to include some shorter posts on my insights, wins, and challenges).
  • Create a “cheat sheet” of affirmations from YCHYL for my health challenges and carry this page with me at all times.  Affirm new thought patterns regularly to break through blocks and limitations.
  • Carry a voice recorder with me so I can capture my thoughts as they occur.

Self-Expression and Possibility

I have been given the gift of self-expression, and I will use this gift (for writing and speaking) to inspire others.  I want to provide others with hope and empowerment. I remember when I did a seminar through Landmark Education called the Self-Expression and Leadership Program (SELP for short).  As part of that program, we all declared powerful possibilities for our lives.  I affirmed myself to be the possibility of empowerment, freedom, self-expression and unconditional love.

What this means to me now is that I will love myself unconditionally;  I will free myself from both my physical and psychological bondage.  Then I will use my gift for self-expression to empower others to do the same.

Who would have thought that the frustration of sitting in a doctor’s waiting room could lead to clarity about my life’s path?  Isn’t it interesting how these things work?  We never know where inspiration will hit us and the impact we have on others. Maybe I should thank that doctor and her staff for the gift of clarity that they inadvertently gave to me…