Tag Archives: self-expression

Enough Already!

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Enough Already!A few weeks ago, I went to see a specialist about the throat discomfort and swallowing problems I’d been experiencing (see my “It’s Always Something” post for more about this). As usual, I had to spend quite a bit of time in the waiting room, and this particular waiting room was more crowded than usual.  In addition, the phone was ringing off the hook and the environment was far from peaceful.

To combat my internal frustration, I decided to journal about my feelings in that moment.  Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:

“Waiting to see specialist, room full of people…  I don’t want to be here! I don’t want the medical model with all of its procedures and medications.  I am tired of identifying as a sick person!  I need to heal myself spiritually. I can do it, and I will!”

A Moment of Clarity

In that moment, I felt absolute clarity about what I did and did not want.  I was clear in my desire to focus on my “healing project” rather than pursue medical procedures and prescription drugs. I didn’t have much time to reflect, however, as I was quickly whisked back into the examining room to see the doctor.  Almost immediately, she spoke of my having an endoscopy and taking twice-daily medications.  These things were exactly what I didn’t want!

I requested that the endoscopy be postponed for a month.  I agreed to take the medication, but I never ended up filling the prescription due to my worries about potential side effects.  Instead, I’ve been focusing on lifestyle changes such as eating more digestible foods in smaller portions and chewing my food more thoroughly.  I also take small doses of over-the-counter medication, which seems to be sufficient at this point. Although my throat problem (medical term = Laryngopharyngeal Reflux) has not gone away, it’s definitely less severe than it was a month ago.

Different Paths Toward Healing

I don’t feel any animosity toward doctors or other medical professionals.  I truly believe that most of them have pure intentions and that they can and do help many people.  But their methods are not the only methods that work.   I firmly believe that spiritual healing can be as effective – or even more effective – than medical healing in some cases.

I feel that for me, spiritual healing is the right path to follow.  I have several reasons for this assertion.  First, I have tried the medical model many times over and have experienced only limited success.  Second, the fact that I have new illnesses cropping up on a regular basis, with most of them being difficult to diagnose and treat, points to a spiritual crisis.  It’s as if the Universe is trying to get my attention and the messages keep getting louder and louder as time goes on.

A Powerful Epiphany

You might think that I had an epiphany in that moment in the doctor’s waiting room a few weeks ago.  Although it was a time of keen awareness, I wouldn’t exactly classify it as an epiphany.  The epiphany came several days later, as I was preparing to have surgery for the painful varicose veins in my left leg.  Shortly before walking into the surgical room, I stared at my reflection in the ladies room.  I was feeling intense trepidation about the surgery and the potential complications which could occur.  I affirmed to myself that I would be okay, and then it hit me…

I said to myself, “God has plans for me. I have a purpose.” It wasn’t so strange for me to say that, but the strange thing was that I actually believed it, so much so that it brought me to tears.  I knew that my purpose was to heal myself and to inspire others to do the same.  “The Healing Project” is my purpose and it came about through divine inspiration. The fact that I am overcome by emotion as I type this affirms this even more.

We Have the Power to Heal Ourselves

I need to fully believe that I have the power to heal myself.  I have to embody that belief and live from it. Yes, I did a medical procedure for my varicose veins, but as I move forward, I will focus on healing the thought patterns which created that condition.  I do not need to shun medical procedures, but I choose not to make them my first choice or to rely upon them.  I can use what is known as an “integrated” approach, but my primary focus will be on the spiritual forms of healing.

Putting “The Healing Project” Into High Gear

I started my healing project and this blog just over four months ago.  While I have made some progress and have been learning a lot about myself in the process, I don’t feel that I’ve dedicated enough time and attention to this effort.  I feel the need to launch “The Healing Project” into a higher gear so that I really do heal myself and my life in the course of one year.

My “amped up” healing project for the remainder of the year will involve the following (may be revised based upon my needs and experiences):

  • At least one hour per day writing and/or doing exercises from “You Can Heal Your Life” (YCHYL) and related texts.
  • Completion of the “You Can Heal Your Life” exercises by the end of 2010.
  • Healing Project writing/exercises will be done first thing in my “work day” except on the rare occasions when there is a schedule conflict.
  • Journal daily about my healing project – observations, concerns, wins, challenges (blog posts will be inspired by these journal entries as well as by the YCHYL and related exercises).
  • Blog at least twice per week in “The Healing Project” (to include some shorter posts on my insights, wins, and challenges).
  • Create a “cheat sheet” of affirmations from YCHYL for my health challenges and carry this page with me at all times.  Affirm new thought patterns regularly to break through blocks and limitations.
  • Carry a voice recorder with me so I can capture my thoughts as they occur.

Self-Expression and Possibility

I have been given the gift of self-expression, and I will use this gift (for writing and speaking) to inspire others.  I want to provide others with hope and empowerment. I remember when I did a seminar through Landmark Education called the Self-Expression and Leadership Program (SELP for short).  As part of that program, we all declared powerful possibilities for our lives.  I affirmed myself to be the possibility of empowerment, freedom, self-expression and unconditional love.

What this means to me now is that I will love myself unconditionally;  I will free myself from both my physical and psychological bondage.  Then I will use my gift for self-expression to empower others to do the same.

Who would have thought that the frustration of sitting in a doctor’s waiting room could lead to clarity about my life’s path?  Isn’t it interesting how these things work?  We never know where inspiration will hit us and the impact we have on others. Maybe I should thank that doctor and her staff for the gift of clarity that they inadvertently gave to me…

It’s Always Something!

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My throat hurts...

I just got back from a doctor’s visit concerning my most recent health challenge.  I have a sore and scratchy throat and a cough, and I’m having ever increasing difficulty in swallowing.  I feel as if I have a lump in my throat and have had a few experiences of almost choking in recent days.  Needless to say, this is both troubling and scary.  Unfortunately, my general practitioner could not ascertain the problem or its cause, so I now have an appointment to see a specialist next week to explore the matter further.

This is just the latest in a long litany of health issues for me.  I have come to feel that it’s always something.  Just when I feel that things are improving, something else seems to crop up!  The main reason I started my “healing project” a few months ago was to try to overcome my laundry list of health woes.

Mind-Body Connection

I truly believe in the mind-body connection and am aware that my thoughts have played a large role in shaping the current state of affairs in terms of my health.  I steadfastly believed, and I still believe, that it is possible to overcome even the most serious of illnesses through spiritual methods.  After all, Louise Hay was able to heal herself of a deadly cancer, so I should be able to overcome my less serious albeit numerous issues.

Louise Hay’s List

There is a section in “You Can Heal Your Life” called “The List.”  This section lists a number of physical problems, along with the thought patterns that are probable causes for each problem.  New positive thought patterns are provided as replacements for our destructive and habitual ways of thinking.  I often refer to this list when a new ache or pain crops up to see if the probable cause suggested by Louise Hay rings true for me.  In many cases, it makes perfect sense to me…

The Birth of the Healing Project…

While I use Louise Hay’s positive thought patterns as affirmations and regularly work on releasing my negative thoughts, my health challenges persist. Since it seemed that a more intense course of healing was in order, “the healing project” was born.  I am fully committed to healing my health issues – and life issues – within a period of one year.  Perhaps I need to “amp up the volume” on this project to really get it off the ground!  I will brainstorm on how to do this and will report on my plan for the future in an upcoming post…

Expression & Creativity

For now, I will explore my most recent health challenge involving my throat.  Louise Hay specifies that the throat is our avenue of expression and our channel of creativity.  Her probable causes for throat problems are:

  • The inability to speak up for one’s self
  • Swallowed anger
  • Stifled creativity
  • Refusal to change

There is much food for thought for me here… I can think of ways in which each probable cause could be true for me, but “stifled creativity” seems to hit the closest to home.  Ever since I was a young child, I wanted to be a writer.  I wrote in a journal for years, have written many poems, and have cultivated a number of ideas for books.  I even wrote one book with a friend, but we were unable to secure an agent or publisher, and now our friendship has ended for reasons unclear to me (but that’s a different story…).  I have a second book that has been “in progress” for years because I am not sure of the core message I want to express.  Many other book ideas have been kept on the “back burner,” awaiting the right time for me to pursue them.  This waiting period has often extended to a period of years.

Me as a Writer…

I think I am afraid to really put myself out there as a writer.  Although I have had a number of jobs and careers over the years, none of them meant as much to me as writing does.  I have tried and failed at many declared passions, but I always had writing in my pocket as a type of back-up plan.  But what if I tried to be a writer and I failed at that, too?  Then what would I have to fall back on?  It only recently dawned on me that I have been trying to protect myself by not fully trying my hand at writing.

Self-Disclosure

There is also the matter of self-disclosure.  My half-written book chronicles my struggles with eating disorders and includes excerpts from journals written during the darkest hours of that time period.  I used to be so open and honest about myself, my beliefs, and my feelings, but past hurts and rejection have led me to construct virtual walls in order to protect myself.  If I were to write about my struggles, it would be akin to displaying my heart and soul to the world, and that felt far too scary to even contemplate doing.  Until recently, that is…

This Blog & Creativity

This blog is not only about healing my health and my life; it is also about expressing myself and channeling my creativity.  In the process, I hope that I will also be able to help others.  Perhaps my readers will see themselves in my struggles, or maybe an insight I share will lead to an epiphany for someone else.  I sincerely hope that I will be a force for good by writing this blog, but that remains to be seen.  What I know right here and now is that it feels good to write; it feels liberating to be open and honest – and real – through my writing.  I am releasing some of my stifled creativity through my blog posts and honoring one of the new thought patterns suggested by Louise Hay for healing throat problems:   “I express myself freely and joyously.”

It feels liberating to express myself and I hope that my expression will help others to express themselves as well.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this post and about my blog in general.  If there are topics which you would like to have addressed, please send them my way…

Willing to Learn, Willing to Change

I often feel that “it’s always something” in regards to my health challenges.   It can be exasperating at times, but I always try to look for the lessons in my trials and tribulations.  I am willing to learn and grow, and as Louise Hay suggests that we all affirm, “I am willing to change.”